I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
