While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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