I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
