just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
