gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
