Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
