I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
