how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
