Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
3pm strippers are depressing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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