I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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