I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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