I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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