hell yes lets make some ravioli
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
