Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
