It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
