what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
