I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Terrible idea I love it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
