I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we're so committed to being not committed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
