puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
