i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
