Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
