is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
