U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
