Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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