I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
