I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
