How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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