I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
