Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
