Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
