I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
