the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
