i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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