i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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