I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
