ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
