I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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