He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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