walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
