I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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