Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
