end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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