the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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