I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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