well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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