Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
