Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
