Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
