I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
