I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
