my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
