ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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