Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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