We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
