I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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