I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
