Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
