I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
