i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
