I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
