My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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