It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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