you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
