the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
