after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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