hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
