sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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