he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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