she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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