that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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