my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
