My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
